If you Dishonor Yourself, Life will Reject You

If you read this statement 'If you dishonor yourself, life will reject you', you may possibly react with fear and think 'oh no, I mustn't dishonor myself, cause I don't want to be rejected by life!'. That is how I reacted when I heard these words being spoken to me a long time ago.

I looked inside of myself and I could see that I have never lived my life in honor of myself, perhaps with exception of when I was really little and still full of expression and innocence. Living in honor of yourself means to simply respect who you are, to at the very least accept who you are and that you exist here, to accept that you have a place in this world and that you have the 'right' to express yourself and in a way 'claim' that place that is yours in this world.

I have never lived that way, in fact very much the opposite. I more lived words like self-rejection, self-harm, self-abuse, self-judgment and even self-hate. There are people, such as myself, in this world who do in fact not accept who they are and who don't accept their own existence. They have more of a tendency to bring themselves down, hurt themselves mentally, emotionally and physically and suppress themselves rather than honoring who they are, taking care of themselves and respecting their own expression.

When I initially heard those words, for me it was another reason to hold myself captive in internal experiences of guilt, shame, fear, inferiority, regret, self-judgment and self-blame, because I believed that the 'Life' which is referred to in the statement is something that is here, something that exists separate from me, like when I look around and I see nature and the animals. I would see a purity and self-respect in other people and in nature and animals that I did not recognize in myself, so therefore I believed that 'Life' exists within them but not within me. And so it is the life that exists all around me that must accept me and that will reject me if I continue dishonoring myself.

However what I have come to realize is that this belief that Life exists around me in other beings and that it is something separate from myself which must somehow make the decision that I am 'good enough' to pass the bar and to not be 'rejected', was in itself something that I had fabricated as an outflow of my tendency to diminish myself. So in a way I was just looking for another way to experience self-rejection, in the form of those experiences of fear, guilt, shame, self-blame, self-judgment, etcetera.

In actuality 'life rejecting you' is a consequential outflow of you constantly and continuously within your own mind and self making the statement and decision that you are 'not good enough' and that you 'don't deserve to be here'. In your own mind, you have already made the decision that you actually don't really want to be here, which is expressed within such thoughts of self-judgment, self-blame and self-diminishment and within emotional experiences such as inferiority, self-hate, guilt, self-doubt and shame. So, if you aren't going to express yourself and be 'alive' in the more metaphysical sense of the word, then your body as that which is a direct mirror and em-body-ment of who you are inside will help, assist and support you within that decision.

With a state of mind being of self-rejection, you are making your body die sooner than it needs to because the body will just be executing the orders and instructions that are existent in the being that is residing in the body. And whenever you choose to suppress yourself rather than express yourself, whenever you judge yourself and diminish yourself and every time you are feeling unworthy, not good enough or 'less then', your 'instruction' to the body as your 'vessel of life' is that you don't really want to be here and you do not want to live your life's potential.

Your life's potential would be to accept yourself wholy, to express yourself unconditionally and to care for yourself absolutely. So whenever you choose to instead of accept, support and express yourself, rather judge, reject and suppress yourself under self-diminishing thoughts and emotional experiences, you are essentially stating that you are not interested in your life's potential, and so you are therein instructing your body to in turn not support you.

In other words, the statement 'life will reject you', is not a form of punishment or a judgment such as 'God will smite you', but it's actually just the reality of what happens when you exist within thought and behavioral patterns of self-rejection. You reject yourself as life, thus life rejects you - because it is what you create.


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Why We Limit Our Expression - Part 1

A new point opened up recently within walking my Journey to Life, where, I was confronted with a specific pattern that I have been living since my teenage years in my thoughts, words and deeds that has constituted a large part of my entire personality and experience of 'who I am' in this world and reality.

The pattern revealed itself while someone was showing and teaching me specific exercises that would assist me in relation to playing squash and moving myself around the squash court most effectively, because as I was playing I noticed that I would become 'static' often, in that I would just stand there in the middle of the court watching the ball being returned to me by the other player and then bounce off the wall, without me actually moving my feet to go and get it.

So, it was while this person was showing me these specific exercises, that the words 'express yourself' were mentioned, specifically in relation to a movement where I had to push myself off the ground by using my arms and they noticed that I didn't fling my arms up into the air all the way, but that I limited my arms' expression by only flinging them up to my chest and then locking them. Then they showed me to fling my arms up in the air in a fluent round movement where the arms go all the way up and they said that I should 'express myself' within that movement - implying that I shouldn't lock my arms but rather use the full movement to create 'momentum' in throwing my body up in the air.

 While we were busy doing this, I suddenly started feeling very dizzy to the point where I had to go sit down and I couldn't focus clearly on what this person was saying or showing to me anymore - and, after investigating this experience of dizziness that suddenly came up within myself, what I found was that it was related to an emotional reaction within myself that I experienced to the words 'express yourself'. Where, upon looking into what went through my mind in the moment that I heard those words, I saw that I reacted to the image of me flinging my arms up into the air while jumping, with a resonant memory in my mind of the character/personality that I used to express and experience myself within during my teenage years - where I used to extensively judge people's expression and if I would see someone expressing themselves in a way that - in my perception - is not in alignment with how people normally would express or behave themselves, I would use words like 'they're so ridiculous' or 'how stupid' -- and I would essentially ridicule them in my mind and with my group of friends to make myself feel superior towards this individual and their specific expression and behavior.

I mean, I am not 'that person' anymore, from the perspective that throughout the years of growing into adulthood, I have suppressed that kind of 'nastiness' within myself because I had made the decision that I want to be seen as a 'good person', meaning the kind of individual that doesn't judge others - yet, clearly, this character/persona still exists within myself as part of my perception and experience of my reality, like a separate entity in my subconscious mind that determines and defines the way that I define and experience myself in relation to my reality without me being aware of it.

For instance, just because this character in my subconscious mind goes 'that is ridiculous', when I see the movement of throwing the arms into the air while jumping, I will 'choose' to not do the movement and to rather go and sit down because within this character in my mind I have connected the word 'ridiculous' with an experience of inferiority and I fear feeling inferior therefore I am not going to do anything that anyone could possibly judge as being 'ridiculous'.

So, within this dynamic that I am observing in how my internal experiences and reactions to my external environment are directing and influencing my expression in my world and reality - I see that the existence and presence of this specific character/persona of judging 'expression' within and of myself and others, is causing me to limit myself extensively in how I live my life here in this world. I mean, when I have a look at how this character in my subconscious mind has been influencing and directing my behavior and decisions throughout my life so far, then I find that every time I found myself around people, or if there was a possibility that someone may see me, I would just not do anything.

Not do anything from the perspective that I wouldn't allow myself to for instance do something spontaneously, or just because I felt like or was interested in doing it in that moment. I would not allow myself to try new things, take any form of initiative or do anything that involved me expressing 'myself' within something that I would stand Alone in - because, within my experience, that would be like taking the risk of 'exposing' myself to the judgment and ridicule of 'other people' -- 'other people' being actually in fact me as the character that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my own subconscious mind.

When I see and realize just how much I have essentially given my life away to the fear of this character that exists in my subconscious mind, I can clearly state that even though I feel and experience and believe that 'I am not this person anymore', it still very much exists within myself - so much so that it governs, defines and determines how I live my life in this world and reality. So, me stating within myself that 'I am not this character' is actually a statement of Fear, made from the starting point of judging this character as somehow 'bad', wherein I basically did not want to accept this part of myself, as the fact that yes indeed I did behave in such a self-centered and self-righteous way, and I did believe that I was superior to everyone who I personally judged as 'ridiculous' and I did express this perceived superiority towards those people.

So, at some point I started judging this behavior as something that is 'bad', and began suppressing this reality of myself as my own past, my own internal tendencies and thought patterns, without in any way understanding how they exist or why and how it is that I had become that way. And it is because I have never made the effort to rather investigate myself from the starting point of understanding how I have come to exist in this specific way within myself and thus understanding Who I really actually am essentially, that I basically allowed it to continue existing within myself and without noticing, allowed it to take over my entire perception of reality, from the perspective that I am now seeing this character everywhere around me and I am experiencing myself as the victim of it.

This was then a general overview of what I have found within myself in relation to the question of Why it is that I limit my expression - as a point that I was confronted with in one moment while I was doing specific movements that activated specific memories in my subconscious mind.

In Part 2 I will further explore and investigate this question from the starting point of finding Solutions to this Problematic Mental Programming of the Human Mind that I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself and have given complete power and control over my life and living - so that I can actually start to release myself from the past as dysfunctional preprogramming and start living and expressing myself as the directive principle of and within my life here in this physical existence.